unhalofandomcom-20200214-history
John-117
] The Master Chief is the the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalpyse, also known as Death and Green Mean Fighting Machine. He is the guy who saves the Earth, kicks some alien ass, chews bubble gum and sleeps with your mom. His also the harbinger of doom for all that refuse to acknowledge his badassness. He is currently on trial for warcrimes against the Covenant people. He is either one of two people: God Almighty or Jesus Christ. It seems that he keeps switching between the two. Childhood Born on Earth, and raised by Mr T, John had a very traumatic upbringing in "da hood." Running away from home at an early age he was soon kidnapped by social deviants, who lured him to their evil van with candy. He was then indoctrinated into the ways of "badass", before being set loose upon an unsuspecting universe. Legends say that he can kill by merely looking you in the eyes(That's why he wears the helmet). Actually, people are normally already dead, on account of the Law of "I Has Teh Weapon Zorz," which states that the number of dead surrounding the Chief is proportional to the level of pent up sexual frustration inside of him. According to a poll in Halopedia, MC does not wear any underwear under all that metal.(It's true.) MC career as a rapper A.k.a. MC Diddy, but was sued by a jackhole rapper already who had the name, but MC Diddy figured out that Diddy really liked donkey kong and lamp traded him these thing. He got to name all his songs on Youtube including the soon to be hit "Grunt and Nerdy Don with Lil Arbiter". Dangerous things he did (other than blow up Halo and infuriate the Covenant) * Told a "Yo Mamma" joke in the face of a really really pissed off Brute with a Gravity Hammer. *Had the nuts to battle the Prophet of Haters. * Went into a room with about 20 brutes, 30 jackholes, 80 grunts and 10 zealots and went out with a shiney new Gravy Hammer and an Energy Sword. *Teamed up with Cortana. *Gave a marine a rocket launcher. *He let a marine drive his warthog. *Threatened Lord Hood's life because he wouldn't stop making jokes about him holding a hammer and his initials being MC. *Flipped an Elephant using just his fingers. *Didn't use a shield with cortana. *Jumped out of a hornet over water to try to skyjack a banshee. *69 killing streak and 40 beat down medals in Mythic Maps. *Stuck Miranda Keys in the face with 3 plasma grenades, ran her over with an Elephant, shot her ass, and pushed her off the clift. *Became gay and bellydanced for Michael Jackson. *Arm wrestled GAWD and left alive Augmentation Captured by the UNSC at the age of six, he was again indoctrinated into the ways of "Cheify Craziness," and sent to Reach where he met other victims of the "Badass" Program. The Chief and co. were changed by doctors, so that they could wear super badass armor. The strain killed some because it was so painful. Ouch. Then, the Chief led a team of others in the Badass program to kill some others in the Badass program. The other dudes were killed. The UNSC saw through the ruse, and realised that the experiment had failed, and sent Jesus to kill him. The two then became friends by accident. When the Covenant attacked, the UNSC realised they would get pwn3d like N00Bz, and pulled John out of his psychiatric ward, gave him a rifle, and sent him against the xenophobic aliens. Though he slaughtered billions, he realised that a suit of armour would improve his "Badass" powers, and stole one from Chillout Setee IV. Wearing it for the first time, he had an epiphany, realising that he was the reincarnation of Death, the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse. The other Spartans agreed to follow him in battle (mainly because the Chief told them what he wanted to do to those who refused to follow him) against anyone and everything that refused to bow down before him, becoming the Imperial Stormtroopers of the Master Chief. Halo Chased down by the Covenant for his warcrimes, he abandoned his followers to their fate, stowing away on a random ship. When it arrived at Halo, John descended as a fiery angel to the ringworld, slaughtering billions more Grunts and leaving a fiery trail in his wake. God followed him, and the two actually teamed up together to take over Halo, killing the Covenant until there were really few left. Then he went and pwned some jackholes on Earth. AIDS Sadly, the forces of righteousness were slaughtered by a massive outbreak of AIDS, leaving the Chief and Avery Johnson the only human survivors. They blew up the anti-son-of-a-bitch machine, and took off for the nearest Starbucks. A dude called the Arbiter was disgraced because of his stupidity. Recently, the Master Chief wrote a musical about it. 'We were all happy. Until the AIDS. Michael Jackson came and raped us all.' Delta Halo John's holy crusade against the Covenant led him back to Earth, where he proceeded to pwn N00Bs. They fled before his wrath, but not before God turned up, trying to stop John's slaughter of innocent Marines. John followed the Covenant through space and time to Delta Halo, executing the Prophet of Regret for being an infedel. he was thrown into the sea, and had a nice swim before being kidnapped (yet again) by a Super AIDS Cell. He met with the Arbiter, and were talked at by Gravemind before being teleported elsewhere. Defying all logic, John was sent to High Charity, while the incompetent got to save the galaxy. Johnson teamed up with the Arbiter to stop Tartar Sauce from killing lots of people. But John, being sent to the one place everyone agreed he should never be sent to, proceeded to commit genocide on a level never before seen in the galaxy. John left Cortana behind because she was being whiny, and followed the Prophet of Truth to Earth on a space ship. He had a fun ride. The Ark The ship's crew, after playing a prolonged and bloody game of hide-and-die, eventually kicked John off, and he descended to Earth leaving a fiery wake, crashing in some jungles. Johnson rescued him, but then the Arbiter turned up. They relieved their aggressions on each other, engaging in a titanic dual, then agreed to kill the Covenant first. They fought many Covenant forces and even some AIDS before arriving at the Hula Hoop Maker, leaving a bloody trail of corpses behind them. Instead of doing the sensible thing, and trap the Flood until they could destroy it for good, they blew up a new Hula Hoop, killed some allied dudes, and fled like the little babies they were. I heard you, you little worthless stack of crap! I'll find you and give you a slow and painful death! Signed, the Master Chief. Interaction with the Prophet of Haters When Master Cheif boarded High Charity with the AIDS, he found the prophet's inner sanctum. There he stole a sword from a dying elite and flipped him the bird as he died. He continued into one of the Prophet's rooms. There he saw the back of a gravity throne. It slowly turned and he saw the Prophet of Haters sitting in it, Haters said, "so John, let this be our ultimate battle." Master Cheif pulled out his Energy Sword as the Prophet of Haters shot a brute in the head and stole his Gravity Hammer. They battled for five minutes. Master Cheif was surprised at the amount of SWAG eminating from the Prophet's body; this was turning out to be a tough battle. Then, a storm of AIDS came in and Master Cheif ran away. That was the last time they ever saw eachother but the Prophet of Haters is still looking for a rematch... War Crimes The Master Chief has slaughtered billions upon billions of Covenant,99 percent of them Grunts, and commited countless atrocities in his genocidal quest to conquer the universe. True, most of the deaths were Grunts, and there's about a billion of them, but That's Beside The Point. In Absentia, he is under trial by the Grunt people for war crimes, and the likely sentence is death. Emissaries from Earth argue that, well, it was a war, and technically the Grunts were the Bad Guys. The Grunts argue that That's Beside The Point. However, due to the fact that it was because countless billions of people died to the Covenant, and that he was only defending Humanity, and himself, the Covenant shall be destroyed. The Prophets also argue that his actions led to the infection of millions of their number, and their extinction. He also killed a Brute because he lost a turkey fight and didn't want to pay up. Chief says that he did not commit this crime, but evidance at the crime-scene show the initials "MC" etched on the Power-Ranger suited Brute's armor. Armor The Master Chief wears a smelly armor (Yeah... He has worn it for centuries...) known as the Mark VI. The Mark VI is actually named after a lottery game in Hong Kong, the Mark Six, as the armor provides the function of buying Mark Six. But we all know that no one ever wins anything in Hong Kong, Master Chief loses swag everytime he buys a Mark Six card. The armor also houses a virtual reality game called Marathon. He never actually played it, though, because is is always pwning über n00bs and chargin his laser. Trivia *Master Chief is a frequent editor on Gruntipedia *Master Chief owns every season of "Seinfeld". *Master Chief once starred in an unpopular sitcom known as Were it so Easy, where he shared an apartment with the Arbiter, a Hunter and a wisecracking Grunt called Des. It was cancelled after the pilot episode. *Master Chief once played Call of Duty 4 and he hated it. *MC's favorite web page is Gruntipedia. *MC has his own soundtrack. *That Master Chief is a descendant from Mars, God of War, as an Anagram of his name reads "March See Fit" *MC is literly the whitest guy alive. *That Master Chief has children with cortana? No, dont ask me how, i dont know how either. *That Master Chief is the world champion of Guitar Hero *Jesus Christ and his army of pwnage will fight God and his army of badassness at the end of time. *MC owns a PS6 (it is 2552), a Wii and an apple computer. no microsoft stuff to be found. THAT is why they left him floating in space at the end of HALO 3. *MC wrote a bible, but was not published due to unforseen circumstances *MC had his own website on freewebs but it was deleted due to every sentence being "KILL MARINEZ" or "LOLZ" *MC is related to Jesus Crist. *MC's mother is Asian. *MC has a pet and his name is the Arbiturd. *Microsoft doesn't own Master Chief. On the contrary, the Master Chief owns Microsoft. *Master Chief's voice has the power to give women orgasms. The helmet he wears merely keeps that from happening. *When the Master Chief files his Tax Returns, he sends in the forms with plasma grenades attached. *When Freddy Krouger goes to sleep. He gets haunted by Master Chief. *What happened to the wildlife from the early build of Halo? They committed suicide because they knew the Chief was coming. *Spartan armor is actually designed to protect the enemies from the Master Chief *When Master Chief's X-Box 360 got the Red Ring of Death. He points a gun at it and says: 'You better not... or else.; Immediately, his console fixed itself and is good as new. *It's been scientifically proven that hating Master Chief and the Halo series causes fatal accidents. There has never been a survivor. *Master Chief's blood was used to make a retail beverage, that beverage is Mountain Dew Game Fuel Category:Characters Category:Tall people Category:spartans Category:Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse